Well, the title says it all.
Dear Derek, you fib about the door. I know you do.
Why, you ask? Because I am more awesome than you are. So there. (I nearly strangled someone for lying on my bed in a hotel room, so don't you dare argue.)
Yes, I am rather dangerous. Too dangerous, maybe. Anyway, your Christmas present is in the little picture....
Also don't you DARE complain about why the band is getting better presents than you. Why? Oh, that's so simple. It's because they've saved my life SO many times.
Have a nice day.